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Parasha Insights

Parasha Insights

HOW DO YOU MOVE FORWARD?

A man was lying in bed on a Saturday morning. His wife said to him, “Get out of bed and go to synagogue.”

“I don’t want to go,” he said “and I have three good reasons. First, I am tired. Second, I don’t like the congregation, nor do they like me. Third, I really dislike the long cantorial prayers. The cantor goes on and on, and does not even have a nice voice. He is so boring…."

The wife replied, “Those excuses are no good. Get out of bed and go to synagogue… Read More »

ARE YOU IN AN UPSIDE DOWN WORLD?

A retired man moves near a junior high school. He spends the first few weeks of retirement in peace and quiet. However, when the school year begins, three young boys beat on every trash can they encounter every day on their way home from school. The noise and commotion drive the old man mad. Finally, the man decides to take action and walks out to meet the boys. He says, "You kids are a lot of fun. I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing." The kids continue to do a bang-up job on the trash cans.

Read More »

HOW CAN WE FIGHT TERRORISM?

A boy asked his father to explain the differences between irritation, aggravation, and misery. Dad picked up the phone and dialed a number at random. When the phone was answered he asked, "Can I speak to Alf, please?" "No! There's no one called Alf here." The person hung up. "That's irritation," said Dad.

He picked up the phone again, redialed the same number and asked for Alf a second time. "No--there's no one here called Alf. Go away. If you call again I shall telephone the police." End of… Read More »

What Does Pain Do To Us?

"I’m not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain." —George Carlin

An American Jew visits Russia and is asked about life in America. "Thank G-d," he replies, "life is good. How is life in the Soviet Union?"

"Here," replies the Russian, "it is also good, but here we don’t say thank G-d. Here we say 'Thank Brezhnev.'"

"What will you say when Brezhnev dies?" the American asks.

"Then we will say 'thank G-d,'"… Read More »

WHO ARE YOU IN YOUR CORE?

The Israelis and Arabs realized that, if they continued fighting, they would someday end up destroying the whole world. So they decided to settle their dispute with an ancient practice: a duel of two, like David and Goliath. This "duel" would be a dog fight.

The negotiators agreed each side would take 5 years to develop the best fighting dog they could. The dog that won the fight would earn its people the right to rule the disputed areas. The losing side would have to lay down its arms for good.

The Arabs found the… Read More »

CAN YOU FORGIVE YOUR ENEMIES?

Late for a seminar and unable to find parking, I pulled into a spot behind a synagogue . It was only after I’d gotten out of the car that I spotted this sign: "No parking. Forgiveness is our business, but don’t make it harder than it already is."

The Rabbi's sermon was Forgive Your Enemies. Toward the end of the service, He asked his congregation, "how many of you have forgiven their enemies"?

About half held up their hands. He then repeated his question. As it was past lunchtime, this… Read More »

WHAT WAS THE CONFLICT WITH THE GREEKS?

A Jew, A Catholic, and an atheist are rowing in Lake Erie when their boat springs a leak. The Jew looks skyward and says, "Oh, G-d, if you save me, I promise I’ll sail to Israel and spend the rest of my days praying at the Wall." The Catholic looks skyward and says, "Oh, Lord, if you save me, I promise I’ll fly to the Vatican and spend the rest of my days singing your praises." The atheist says, "Oh, guys, if you pass me that one life preserver, I promise I’ll swim to Cleveland."

"And how… Read More »

IS THE BRIDE BEAUTIFUL AND GRACIOUS?

In a linguistic conference held in London, England, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese, was the clear winner. The final question put to him was: Some say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. Please explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand. Here was his astute answer: "When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. But when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"

In this week's… Read More »

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