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Parasha Insights

Parasha Insights

THE FIGHT FOR LIGHT

 

A doctor, an architect, a lawyer and a politician were arguing over which profession was the oldest in the world. 

The doctor said, “The medical profession is the oldest. Eve was made from Adam's rib, and that was a surgical operation.”

The architect said: “Before that, there had to be a place for them to live, and that was a job for an architect.” 

The lawyer said: “Before the architectural job there was chaos, and that had to be straightened out by a lawyer.”

The politician paused for a moment, then said, “Who do you think created all that chaos?” 

“Blessed are You G-d, who fashions light and creates darkness.” This blessing, recited in the Rosh… Read More »

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE A JEW?

 

A gunman breaks into a home. Pointing his rifle at the woman, he asks for her name. The terrified woman mutters, “Elizabeth.”

“This is your lucky night,” the gunman responds. “I just can’t kill somebody who carries my mother’s name, may she rest in peace. My mother was a special woman.”

He then points the rifle at her husband’s head. “What is your name?” thunders the gunman. The poor man is terror-struck. “If you don’t want your brains blown out, tell me your name right now!” the gunman shouts.

“My name is Harry,” the horrified man replies, “but they call me Elizabeth.”

This week's Torah portion, Ki Tavo, has a strange… Read More »

HOW IS YOUR MARRIAGE?

 Six retired Jewish Floridians are playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyer loses $5,000 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen friend, the other five continue playing, but standing up. At the end of the game, Finkelstein looks around and asks, "So, who's gonna tell his wife?" They cut the cards. Goldberg picks the low card and has to bear the news. They tell him to be discreet, gentle, not to make a bad situation worse. "Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me."

Goldberg goes over to the Meyer's condo and knocks on the door. The wife answers through the door… Read More »

DO YOU HAVE A CONFIDANT?

 

Robert went to his lawyer and said, "I want to make a will but I don't know exactly how to go about it." The lawyer smiled at Robert and replied, "Not a problem, leave it all to me."

Robert looked upset and replied, "I knew you were going to take a big portion, but I would like to leave a little to my family too!"

This week's Torah portion, Shoftim, seems very straightforward. Upon deeper reflection, however, we see an important message.

And you shall come to… the judge who will be in those day S, and you shall inquire, and they will tell you the words of judgment and you shall do all they instruct you.

There is an obvious anomaly in this verse. The words “who will be in… Read More »

DID YOU HEAR IT FROM G-D HIMSELF?


A man visited a certain bar on a nightly basis, ordering two glasses of Crown Royal. When the bartender asked him why he never changed his order, the man explained that he had a friend with whom he had drank a nightly glass of Crown Royal for many years.

"My friend was drafted and died in Korea," the man sighed, "and I decided to immortalize him by drinking two glasses of Crown Royal every night. One glass I drink for him; the other for myself."

One night, after thirty years, the man entered the bar and ordered a single glass of Crown Royal.

"What happened?" asked the bartender.

"Oh," the man responded, "I quit drinking."

This is a classic case of denial, but it may also have a… Read More »

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