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HOW IS YOUR MARRIAGE?

HOW IS YOUR MARRIAGE?

Thursday, 15 September, 2016 - 1:30 pm

 Six retired Jewish Floridians are playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyer loses $5,000 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen friend, the other five continue playing, but standing up. At the end of the game, Finkelstein looks around and asks, "So, who's gonna tell his wife?" They cut the cards. Goldberg picks the low card and has to bear the news. They tell him to be discreet, gentle, not to make a bad situation worse. "Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me."

Goldberg goes over to the Meyer's condo and knocks on the door. The wife answers through the door and asks what he wants. Goldberg declares: "Your husband just lost $5,000 in a poker game and is afraid to come home." "Tell him to drop dead!" yells the wife. "Great,” says Goldberg, “he already did that on his own.” 

When Moses presented the Torah to the Jewish people, he gave them an oral interpretation, clarifying and elucidating the meaning of the Bible. This oral tradition has been documented in the Mishnah and Talmud.
In this week's Torah portion, Ki Teitzei, the Torah speaks of “a man marrying a woman,” but does not specify the legal means to affect a marriage. The Talmud presents an oral tradition to fill the gap, which is still the basis of every Jewish marriage. When the groom places the ring on his bride's finger and declares, “You are hereby betrothed to me…” man and woman enter the covenant of marriage. Why a ring?

When a husband and wife feel genuinely privileged to be with their partners, that they have been given a gift with this relationship—then the partnership will blossom.

A very poor man lived with his beloved wife in total poverty. For their anniversary, his wife craved to buy him a gift, but she had no money. She did have very long, beautiful hair. She cut and sold her hair and bought her husband a band for the one beautiful thing he owned: a gold watch which was passed down in his family, but which he could not wear because the band was torn.

Meanwhile, her husband yearned to buy her a gift, but he was also penniless. He went out and sold his gold watch and bought the most expensive combs for his wife to be able to brush and take care of her stunning hair.

They both returned home with their gifts. She returned with short hair, holding a new watch band. He came home with combs in his hand, but no watch…. He gave her the combs and she gave him the watch band.

Tears flowed from their eyes, not for the futility of their actions, but for the depth of their love. He looked at her and said: With the love I get from you, I don’t need the watch band. She said the same about her hair.

This can explain another verse in our portion: "When a man takes a new wife... He shall remain free for his home for one year and delight his wife whom he has taken."

The meaning, says Rabbi Yonatan ben Uziel, is that the first year, the husband should celebrate life together with his wife. A marriage works when each party is trying to make the other happy. Your only focus should be how to bring joy and light to your spouse today. Automatically, as a result, you, too will be happy.

On April 21, 2014, CNN shared a story about Helen and Kenneth Felumlee. Their love story began on February 20, 1944, when Kenneth and Helen eloped just before Kenneth's 21st birthday after three years of dating. The couple's eight children witnessed their commitment on a daily basis. They reported that Kenneth and Helen held hands at breakfast every morning, right up until the end.

But here is the catch: Over their 70 years of marriage, the two never spent a night apart! When Kenneth and Helen had to take an overnight ferry many years ago that only had bunk beds, they opted to both sleep on the bottom bunk instead of spending an evening separated.

In 2012, Kenneth had his leg amputated due to poor circulation and his health started to decline. Helen was his main caretaker, but her condition began fading, too.

On April 12, 2014 Helen passed away at the age of 92. That night would have been the first time in 70 years that Kenneth would have needed to sleep away from his wife. However, just 15 hours after her death, Kenneth, 91, died as well.

"We knew when one went, the other was going to go," said their daughter, Linda Cody. "We wanted them to go together, and they did.”

Kenneth was surrounded by 24 of his closest friends and family members when he left to join his beloved wife.

"It was a wonderful going away party," Cody said. "He was ready. He just didn't want to leave her... by herself."

People often ask, how do I rediscover—or discover—my love toward my spouse? The answer is, the love is usually there, deep inside. In order to access and experience it, we need to learn to subdue our animal instincts, to challenge our external fears and insecurities, to free ourselves from our fake egos and learn to be humble. Then our inner souls and love emerge in their full might.

The circle of a wedding band symbolizes the reciprocity of the relationship of marriage. When one spouse works to make the other happy, he or she is happy in return... and the cycle goes on.

Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Yoseph Geisinsky

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