Parasha Insights

Izzy owned a small deli in Stamford Hill, in London. One day, a tax inspector knocked on his door and questioned him about his recent tax return. Issy had reported a net profit of $250.000 for the year, and he wanted to know all about it. "It’s like this," said Issy. "I work like a maniac all year round, and all my family helps me out whenever they can. My deli is closed only five days a year. That’s how I made $250,000."  

"It's not your income that bothers us," said the taxman. "It's the business travel deductions of $80,000 that worry us. You entered on the tax return that you and your wife made 28 business trips to Israel, Italy, Switzerla… Read More »

Izzy owned a small deli in Stamford Hill, in London. One day, a tax inspector knocked on his door and questioned him about his recent tax return. Issy had reported a net profit of $250.000 for the year, and he wanted to know all about it. "It’s like this," said Issy. "I work like a maniac all year round, and all my family helps me out whenever they can. My deli is closed only five days a year. That’s how I made $250,000."  

"It's not your income that bothers us," said the taxman. "It's the business travel deductions of $80,000 that worry us. You entered on the tax return that you and your wife made 28 business trips to Israel, Italy, Switzerla… Read More »

Seventy-seven years ago, G-d once again gave the Jewish people the historic opportunity of returning freely to their ancient homeland, Israel, with the ability to govern their affairs, protect their borders, and live freely as Jews. 

This was by no means inevitable. It took extraordinary courage and a miracle. 

From the moment the United Nations passed the partition resolution on November 29, 1947, the Arabs, desperate to thwart its implementation, ruthlessly intensified their attacks on the Jewish population of Israel. 

Nearly 1,200 Jews, half of them civilians, were murdered by Arabs in the six months between November 1947 and May 1948. That instability – and fears for the survival of this … Read More »

The rule in Israel was that a new immigrant could bring ordinary household items duty-free. But anything that looked like it was for resale in Israel was supposed to be subject to import taxes. 

Jack Levine, a new oleh, goes to the Haifa port to claim his household goods that have arrived by ship. The officer notices on the manifest that Jack is bringing in seven refrigerators. 

"Mr. Levine," says the officer, "one refrigerator is allowed duty-free, not seven."  

"But I'm very religious (frum) and I need one refrigerator just for meat, one just for dairy, and one just for parve," says Jack. 

"All right," says the officer with a sigh, "that makes th… Read More »

 It was the custom of the Baal Shem Tov to partake of three meals on the last day of Passover. The third meal, which took place late in the afternoon, was known as the "Festive Meal of Moshiach," or "Moshiach's Seuda," for on this day, the energy and light of Moshiach and the future redemption shine and are more revealed. 

That is why the Haftorah read on the eighth day of Passover is Isaiah chapter 11, containing many of the majestic prophecies about redemption and Moshiach. Why on this day? Because the first two days of Passover celebrate primarily the past redemption, while the last days of Passover, especially the 8th day, represent the future Messianic redemption. 

There is a strange statement in th… Read More »

Last Pesach, an Orthodox friend of mine, Shmuly, was at a business meeting during the middle days of the holiday. When lunchtime came, his colleagues went out to local restaurants, but Shmuly remained at the conference table and took out his matzah and hard-boiled egg. As he unwrapped it, another colleague joined him and unwrapped his lunch. It was ham and cheese on matzah.  

The colleague looked at Shmuly with a relieved smile and said: 
“Boy, I'm glad I'm not the only one. It's hard to explain Passover, isn't it?” Well, today I want to explain the name of the holiday. 
Why is the holiday called ‘Passover’, or in Hebrew, Pes… Read More »

I always talk to myself; it is the only way to ensure intelligent conversation. A man  

Something is intriguing you will notice in any Torah scroll in the opening word of the third book of the Torah, Vayikra, Leviticus.  

The opening words of the book are: “Vayikra El Moshe,” "He called to Moses." The Aleph of the word for "He called/vayikra,” the first word in the Book of Leviticus, is written smaller than usual. The aleph is written in miniature.  

This is how it has been since the first Torah Scroll was written by Moses 3300 years ago. But why? What is the significance of this?  

Contrast this with one more place in the Tanach where the Alef is written in&n… Read More »

Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from New York, another from Texas, and the third from Florida.  

At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living. When they all replied that they were contractors, the guard said, "Hey, we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don't you guys take a look at it and give me a bid?" So, off they went to check it out.  

First to step up was the Florida contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring, and said, "Well, I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."  

Next was the Texas contractor. He also t… Read More »

A man comes to his rabbi. I need a job, Rabbi. I can become a dancer or a singer. Which one should I choose?  

The Rabbi says: Become a dancer. 
Why, rabbi, have you seen me dance? 
No, says the Rabbi, but I have heard you sing!... 

One of the most integral items in the Tabernacle was the Washstand, from which the Kohanim—the priests—would wash their hands and feet each morning. This was the necessary preparation for each day’s service and was called ‘the sanctification of the Kohanim’ meaning it made those already holy yet holier.  

But what was the washstand itself made of? Not gold, silver, or wood—as most of the other vessels in the Sanctuary… Read More »

Once there was a millionaire, who collected alligators. He kept them in the pool in the back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful single daughter. One day, the millionaire decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars, or my daughter, to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!" As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash in the pool. The guy in the pool was swimming with all his might, and the crowd began to cheer him on. Finally, he made it to the other side of the pool unharmed.  

The millionaire … Read More »

Iranian president calls Trump and tells him, I had a wonderful dream last night. I could see America, the beautiful country, and on each house, I saw a banner."

"What did it say on the banners?" Trump asks. Mahmud replies, "UNITED STATES OF IRAN."

Trump says, "You know, Mahmud, I am happy you called, because believe it or not, last night I had a similar dream. I could see all of Tehran, and it was more beautiful than ever, and on each house flew an enormous banner."

"What did it say on the banners?" Mahmud asks. Trump replies, "I don't know. I can't read Hebrew."

Iran is in the news again, just as it was 2300 years ago, in the days of Purim. Then his name was Haman; today his n… Read More »

Tony comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders. Joe, the border guard, stops him and says, "What's in the bags?"

"Sand," answers Tony.

Joe says, "We'll just see about that. Get off the bike." He takes the bags apart and empties them, finding nothing but sand in them. He detains Tony overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that the bags contain pure sand.

Joe releases Tony, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

The next day, the same thing happens. Joe asks, "What have you got?"

"Sand," says Tony.

Joe conducts a thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain… Read More »

After his wife died, an old Jew received a parrot from his sons to keep him company. After a while, he discovered that the parrot had heard him pray so often that it had learned to say the prayers. The old man was so thrilled that he decided to take his parrot to the synagogue on the Jewish New Year of Rosh Hashanah.

The rabbi protested when he entered with the bird, but when told the parrot could pray, the rabbi, though still skeptical, showed interest. People started betting on whether the parrot would pray, and the old man happily took bets that eventually totaled $50,000.

The prayers began, but the bird was silent. As the prayers continued, the bird was silent. When the prayers ended, the old man was crestfallen and $50,000 in debt.

… Read More »