Parasha Insights

A retired man moves near a junior high school. He spends the first few weeks of retirement in peace and quiet. However, when the school year begins, three young boys beat on every trash can they encounter every day on their way home from school. The noise and commotion drive the old man mad. Finally, the man decides to take action and walks out to meet the boys. He says, "You kids are a lot of fun. I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing." The kids continue to do a bang-up job on the trash cans.

A boy asked his father to explain the differences between irritation, aggravation, and misery. Dad picked up the phone and dialed a number at random. When the phone was answered he asked, "Can I speak to Alf, please?" "No! There's no one called Alf here." The person hung up. "That's irritation," said Dad.

He picked up the phone again, redialed the same number and asked for Alf a second time. "No--there's no one here called Alf. Go away. If you call again I shall telephone the police." End of conversation… Read More »

"I’m not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain." —George Carlin

An American Jew visits Russia and is asked about life in America. "Thank G-d," he replies, "life is good. How is life in the Soviet Union?"

"Here," replies the Russian, "it is also good, but here we don’t say thank G-d. Here we say 'Thank Brezhnev.'"

"What will you say when Brezhnev dies?" the American asks.

"Then we will say 'thank G-d,'" re… Read More »

The Israelis and Arabs realized that, if they continued fighting, they would someday end up destroying the whole world. So they decided to settle their dispute with an ancient practice: a duel of two, like David and Goliath. This "duel" would be a dog fight.

The negotiators agreed each side would take 5 years to develop the best fighting dog they could. The dog that won the fight would earn its people the right to rule the disputed areas. The losing side would have to lay down its arms for good.

The Arabs found the bigge… Read More »

Late for a seminar and unable to find parking, I pulled into a spot behind a synagogue . It was only after I’d gotten out of the car that I spotted this sign: "No parking. Forgiveness is our business, but don’t make it harder than it already is."

The Rabbi's sermon was Forgive Your Enemies. Toward the end of the service, He asked his congregation, "how many of you have forgiven their enemies"?

About half held up their hands. He then repeated his question. As it was past lunchtime, this tim… Read More »

A Jew, A Catholic, and an atheist are rowing in Lake Erie when their boat springs a leak. The Jew looks skyward and says, "Oh, G-d, if you save me, I promise I’ll sail to Israel and spend the rest of my days praying at the Wall." The Catholic looks skyward and says, "Oh, Lord, if you save me, I promise I’ll fly to the Vatican and spend the rest of my days singing your praises." The atheist says, "Oh, guys, if you pass me that one life preserver, I promise I’ll swim to Cleveland."

"And how wi… Read More »