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Parasha Insights


Izzy owned a small deli in Stamford Hill, London. One day, a tax inspector knocked on his door and questioned him about his recent tax return. Izzy had reported a net profit of $250,000 for the year and he wanted more information. Izzy explained, "I work like a maniac all year round, and my family helps whenever they can. My deli is closed only five days a year. That’s how I made $250,000."

"It's not your income that bothers us," said the taxman. "It's the business travel deductions of $80,000 that worries us. You entered on the tax return that you and your wife made 28 business trips to Israel, Italy, Switzerland, France, the USA, Hawaii, and the Caribbean Islands. Why all those trips?"

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A man walking in the city was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking derelict who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted $2, and asked, "If I give you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?"

"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the man said.

"Will you use it to gamble?"

"I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive."

"Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?"

"Are you NUTS! I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

“Will you use the money to buy cigarettes?”

“No way. $2 can’t get me a pack of cigarettes. I had to quit smoking years ago when the price of… Read More »


Rabbi Lau once shared his memories when the Americans have arrived and Buchenwald was liberated.

 "I remember the looks of horror on the faces of the American soldiers when they came in and stared around them. 

I was afraid when I saw them. I crept behind a pile of dead bodies and hid there, watching them warily.

"Rabbi Herschel Schachter was the Jewish chaplain of the division. I saw him get out of a jeep and stand there, staring at the corpses.

 He has often told this story, how he thought he saw a pair of living eyes looking out from among the dead. It made his hair stand on end, 

but slowly and cautiously he made his way around the pile, and then, he clearly remembers coming face-to-face with me, an… Read More »


I recently read this piece entitled “A Grandparents Answering Machine.”

This is how it works.

Good morning . . . At present we are not at home but, please leave your message after you hear the beep. Beeeppp...

1. If you are one of our children, dial 1 and then select the option from 1 to 5 in order of "arrival" so we know who it is.

2. If you need us to stay with the children, press 2.

3. If you want to borrow the car, press 3.

4. If you want us to wash your clothes and do the ironing, press 4.

5. If you want the grandchildren to sleep here tonight, press 5.

6. If you want us to pick up the kids at school, press 6.

7. If you want us to prepare a meal for Sunday or to have it delivered to your home, press… Read More »

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