Parasha Insights - Chabad of Great Neck

Can Humans Be Objective?

Friday, July 26, 2019 - 11:26 AM

A politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened. When he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good news. "Ma," he shouted, "the results are in. I won the election!"

"Honestly?"

The politician's smiled faded. "Aw ma, why bring that up at a time like this?"

A government official was arrested for accepting a bribe from a contractor. A friend who went to visit him in the lock-up asked, "How are you going to get out of this mess?"

The official replied calmly, "I got into trouble for accepting a bribe; I will get out of it by giving it."

It is a puzzling story—the tale… Read More »

A CHAMPION OF ISRAEL

Thursday, July 18, 2019 - 10:44 PM

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a donkey walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the donkey's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"

"Not really," said the donkey. "Your name is written inside the cover."

In this weeks Torah portion Balak. One aspect of the entire Bilaam story is mysterious. The donkey speaking is not the first or last miracle in the Torah. Yet all other miracles in the Tanach served a purpose, and the Torah clearly explains what that was. Ten plagues befall Egypt, to force Pharaoh and his nation to let the… Read More »

CUT AND PASTE

Friday, July 12, 2019 - 12:28 PM

Once upon a time, a computer programmer drowned at sea. Many were on the beach and heard him cry out, “F1! F1!”, but no one understood.

Of course, the F1 key on the computer is the code for “help…”

Customer: “I can’t seem to connect to the Internet.”

Tech Support: “Ah, right. What operating system are you running?”

Customer: “Netscape.”

Tech Support: “No, what version of Windows are you using?”

Customer: “Uhhh…Hewlett Packard?”

Tech Support: “No, Right click on ‘My Computer,’ and select properties on the menu.”

Customer: “Your computer? It’s my… Read More »

DON’T STOP SINGING!

Friday, July 5, 2019 - 10:49 AM

Izzy is sitting in synagogue one Sabbath morning when he falls asleep and starts to snore. The synagogue caretaker quickly comes over to him, taps him softly on his shoulder and says, "Please stop your snoring, Izzy, you're disturbing the others in the shul."

"Now look here," says Izzy, "I always pay my membership in full, so I feel I have a right to do whatever I want."

"Yes, I agree," replies the caretaker, "but your snoring is keeping everybody else awake."

It is one of those strange Talmudic stories.

The weekly Torah portion of Korach tells of the mutiny staged by Korach and his many supporters against the leadership of Moses and Aaron. “The entire community is holy; why do… Read More »