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Parasha Insights

What Is Your 4-minute Mile?

Passengers on a plane are waiting for flight 767 to leave. The entrance opens, and two men walk up the aisle, dressed in pilot uniforms. Both are wearing dark glasses. One is holding on to a seeing-eye dog, and the other is tapping his way up the aisle with a cane.

Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start.

The passengers begin glancing nervously, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.

The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and people at the windows realize that they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport.

As it begins to look as though the plane will never take off, that it will plow… Read More »

ARE YOUR LIGHTS ON?

After a performance, a cantor, trying to impress, tells the crowd that his voice is insured with Lloyds of London for 1 million dollars. A voice from the back of the room says, "so what did you do with the money?"


It is a fascinating law, deduced from this week’s Torah portion.

The Torah states:


The Passover offering may not be eaten in two distinct places.

 

The logic is this. There is a physical relocation and a mental relocation. When I fall asleep in the middle of a meal, then I awake and continue eating, it is considered as though I am eating in a new location—not a new physical location, but a new mental location. It is not any longer a continuum of the first meal; that meal was interrupted and now… Read More »

DO YOU KNOW WHAT IS FIT TO PRINT?

A young boy enters a barbershop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."


The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.


"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"  Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"


The boy licked his ice cream cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!"


Read More »

CAN YOUR ARMS BECOME INFINITE?

On New York's Upper East Side lived an assimilated Jew who was a militant atheist. But he sent his son to Trinity School because, despite its denominational roots, it’s a great school and completely secular. After a month, the boy comes home and says casually, “By the way Dad, do you know what ‘Trinity’ means? It means the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.”

The father can barely control his rage. He seizes his son by the shoulders and declares, “Danny, I’m going to tell you something now and I want you never to forget it. There is only one God. And we DON’T believe in Him!”

 

A woman on a train walked up to a man across the table. “Excuse me,” she said, “but… Read More »

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