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Parasha Insights

ARE YOU A FAN OR A PLAYER?

A man goes to consult a specialist about his medical problem. After the visit, the man asks, "How much do I owe you?"

"My fee is five hundred dollars," replies the physician.

"Five hundred dollars? That's impossible. No one charges that much!"  "In your case," the doctor replies, "I suppose I could adjust my fee to three hundred."

"Three hundred dollars? For one visit? Ridiculous."

"Well, then, could you afford two hundred?"

"Who has that kind of money?" "Look, the doctor replies," growing irritated, "Just give me fifty bucks and get out."

"I can give you twenty says the man. Take it or leave it."

"I… Read More »

WHY CHANUKAH?

A few weeks ago, one of my dear friends was on his way to Israel. When he got to JFK airport, he went through the EL AL security. The security guard asked him regular questions. Who are you? Where are you from? Why are you going to Israel? And then he asked him “Are you Jewish?” He replied yes.

"Are you affiliated with any congregation?” Yes. “Which one?” Chabad. "Which Chabad?" Chabad of Great Neck. "Well," the guard said, "which Jewish holiday did we just celebrate?" My friend answers "Gee, I don’t know." So, the guard says "Well, which Jewish holiday are we going to celebrate soon?" So my friend answered… Read More »

A Tale of Two Men

One day the zoo keeper noticed that the orangutan was reading two books - the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species. Surprised, he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books?"  "Well," said the orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."
Sometimes, the contrast is too conspicuous to ignore. In both stories, the Torah employs the same term: man. In two consecutive portions, the same term is used.
In this week’s portion Vayiehsev, Joseph was sent by his father Jacob, to go visit his brothers and seek their welfare. Despite his brothers loathing him, Joseph embarked on the journey, and he got lost on the way. The Torah tells us: Then a man found… Read More »

WHY CHOSEN? WHY ONLY ME?

A priest says to his Jewish friend, that he has a perfect way of eating for free in restaurants.
"I go in at well past 9 o'clock in the evening, eat several courses slowly, and linger over coffee, port, and a cigar.
Come 2 o'clock, as they are clearing everything away, I just keep sitting there until eventually a waiter comes up and asks me to pay.
Then I say: 'I've already paid your colleague who has left.' Because I am a man of the cloth, they take my word for it, and I leave."
The friend is impressed and says: "Let's try it together this evening."
So, the priest books them into a restaurant, and come 2 o'clock they are both still quietly sitting there after a very full meal.
Sure enough, a waiter comes over and… Read More »

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