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Parasha Insights

ARE YOU AWAKE?

After a performance a cantor, trying to impress, tells the crowd that his voice is insured with Lloyds of London for 1 million dollars. A voice from the back of the room says, "so what did you do with the money?"

It is a fascinating law, deduced from this week’s Torah portion.  The Torah states:

The Passover offering shall be eaten in one house: nor shall you break a bone of it.

The Passover offering meal must assume a permanent quality—how a royal eats his or her meal. He does not run around with a sandwich in his or her hand; that’s how slaves eat. A king or queen sits in one fixed place, relaxed and composed, and enjoys the feast. They do not begin the meal in one place and continue it in another … Read More »

Why do Empires rise and fall?

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you." The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves. "What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy leaving the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?" The boy licked his ice cream cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!"

Yeche… Read More »

LOVE TRUTH JUSTICE AND COMPASSION

The local news station interviewed a 90-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked about her life, what it felt like to be married again at 90, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40s, and a preacher when in her 70s, and now - in he… Read More »

ARE YOU COMMITTED?

My daughter called to say I was to phone Ian at my bank. The operator asked me what Ian’s last name was, and I explained that he had not left his surname. When she asked for his department, I said I did not know. 

“There are 1500 employees in this building, ma’am,” she advised me curtly. “You must tell me a last name.” 

After a few more brusque comments, I asked her for her name. 

“Danielle,” she said. 

“And your last name?” I asked. 

“Sorry,” she replied, “we don’t give out last names.” 

As Jacob's demise approaches, our portion Vayechi relates, he sent for his son, Joseph, the Prime Minister of Egypt, and requested… Read More »

ARE YOU A FAN OR A PLAYER?

A man goes to consult a specialist about his medical problem.

After the visit, the man asks, "How much do I owe you?"

"My fee is five hundred dollars," replies the physician.

"Five hundred dollars? That's impossible. No one charges that much!"

"In your case," the doctor replies, "I suppose I could adjust my fee to three hundred."

"Three hundred dollars? For one visit? Ridiculous."

"Well, then, could you afford two hundred?"

"Who has that kind of money?"

"Look, replies the doctor," growing irritated, "Just give me fifty bucks and get out."

"I can give you twenty says the man. Take it or leave it."

"I don't understand y… Read More »

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