DO YOU HAVE A GAME PLAN FOR THE NEW YEAR?

This evening Yom Kippur begins with Kol Nidre expressing our fear that the lofty resolutions we might make during the High Holidays often have no substance 

 “Our vows are no vows; our oaths, no oaths.”

But to not follow through on those resolutions is a problem: it is only by taking seriously our obligations to others and to G-d that we grow. But what if there were something we could do that would dramatically improve the odds that we would follow through on our vows? Well, guess what? There is.

Ingenious researchers at Stanford designed a simple but elegant study that examined why some college students donated to a canned food drive for charity and some didn’t. Going in, the researchers knew that some students would be more generous than others. The question that drove them was whether there was some variable that could change so that the selfish would be motivated to give too.

They began by finding a way to distinguish the charitable from the uncharitable, (in the study they were dubbed “saints” or “jerks”). To do this, they polled all of the students in one dorm at Stanford, asking them to assess which of their dorm mates were most or least likely to donate. Once they compiled those rankings, they had a pretty good idea of which students were charitable or uncharitable types, from first-hand assessments by peers who knew them well.

Next, they sent some students a basic letter announcing the launch of a food drive the following week and asking them to bring canned food to a booth on Tressider Plaza, a well-known spot on campus.

Other students received a more detailed letter including a map of the precise location of the booth, a request for a can of beans, and a suggestion that they think about a time when they’d ordinarily be near Tressider Plaza so they wouldn’t have to go out of their way to get there. The two letters were sent randomly to the ‘saints’ and the selfish.

A week later, after the food drive, the researchers had a precise list of who had given food and who hadn’t. Students who had received the basic letter were not very generous at all. Only eight percent of the “saints” had donated, and not a single one of the “jerks.” So far, the “jerks” were living up to their reputation, but the saints weren’t performing well. Compliance was strikingly low among both groups.

Then came the shock. Among students who had received the more detailed letter, forty-two percent of the “saints” donated, and so did twenty-five percent of the selfish. If you're hungry and need food, you’re three times better off relying on a selfish fellow with a map than on a young saint without one.

What’s inspiring about this study is that it tells us what is too often lacking is not the will to do good, but the understanding of how to do it and precisely what is required.

What we need is a game plan. The problem is not a matter of will but of way. What looks like a “character problem” may merely be a technical obstacle. A little bit of specificity even got 25% of the most uncharitable students to donate to the drive.

The lesson here is clear: when you make a High Holiday resolution, don’t think in general terms, such as, “This year, I will start wrapping tefillin.” Take a few moments to consider the details and specifically lay out the steps. Consider the ideal time and location. For instance, “I will wrap tefillin at 8 a.m. after my cup of coffee. I will keep my tefillin next to the coffee maker.”

Don’t tell yourself you should give more to charity, or sponsor an underprivileged child, and put off researching your options. Set a specific time on your calendar. Then take that window and give yourself a concrete deadline to select a charity or find a mentoring organization.

Remember, you’re three times more likely to get a mitzvah from a ‘jerk’ with a detailed resolution than from a saint with only a general resolution. There is hope for us all!

If we remind ourselves of this simple fact as we contemplate the New Year, and identify clear, specific steps we can take, we can fulfill all of our vows and commitments, sometimes despite ourselves. We may even exceed them, doing more than we set out to. No doubt some of those “jerks” donated two cans of beans.

But we have to put ourselves in a starting position where success is possible.

Dear G-d, all vows, commitments, obligations, or promises we make, from this Yom Kippur day until the next, may we be given the strength to keep them. Give us the self-respect and vision to grow and to become the people we have sworn to be one map and one can of beans at a time.

A king emerges from his palace one morning and encounters a beggar. He asks the beggar, “What is it that you want?”

The beggar laughs and says, “You ask as though you can fulfill my desire.”

Offended, the King replies, “Of course, I can. I am a king, and a king can offer everything. So, what is it?”

The beggar warns, “Think twice before you promise anything.”

Now, this was no ordinary beggar; he was a mystic with spiritual powers who had come to help the King, to wake him spiritually.

The King, not knowing this, insisted, “I will fulfill anything you ask, for I am a very powerful king who can fulfill any desire.”

The beggar said, “It is a very simple desire. Can you fill this begging bowl?”

“Of course!” said the King, and he instructed his vizier to fill the man’s begging bowl with money. The vizier did, but when the money was poured into the bowl, it disappeared. So he poured in more and more, bringing out bigger and bigger receptacles of coinage and valuables, and pouring the hoards into the man’s bowl.

But the moment he did, the riches would disappear, and the begging bowl remained empty.

Word spread throughout the Kingdom, and a huge crowd gathered. The prestige and power of the King were at stake now, for never before had anyone asked for something impossible for him to deliver. He felt his sovereignty was sorely threatened, and he was already embarrassed.

So, he told his vizier, “If my Kingdom is to be lost, I am ready to lose it, but I cannot be defeated by this beggar.”

His days were consumed by drawing together all his wealth and emptying it, one thing after another, into the ever-hungry bowl, funneling in gold, silver, jewelry, precious stones, rich scented oils—everything he could lay his hands on within the palace.

Diamonds, pearls, emeralds alike all cascaded in, and yet the man’s arms—that clutched tightly onto the bowl—did not even seem to flag, as if there was never any added weight to bear. But the King had seen with his own eyes how tons of riches had disappeared into the greedy bowl. Quickly, his treasury was becoming empty, but the begging bowl still seemed bottomless.

Finally, as the crowd stood in utter silence, the King dropped at the beggar’s feet and admitted defeat. “You are victorious, but before you go, fulfill my curiosity. What is the secret of this begging bowl?”

The beggar humbly replied, “There is no big secret. It is simply constructed from human desire.”

One of your greatest challenges is to make sure your life’s purpose doesn’t become a beggar’s bowl, a bottomless pit of desire, continually searching for the next thing that will make you happy. Once you have this, don’t start hungering after that.

Or if you have that one good thing you aspired to, don’t start looking at—and craving—the fine collection of good things the next man has.

To behave that way is a losing battle, and you will never see the end of it.

Because, you see, your human desire can be insatiable if you allow it to be.

Once you get what you thought you wanted, be careful that your happiness doesn’t start to wane as you quickly become accustomed to it. Be wary that you do not become bored with that thing you just accrued, and immediately start searching for something new, something bigger, something shinier, something with more bells and whistles attached to it.

If you follow the shaky path of desire, then you might as well throw your whole self into the begging bowl and disappear right now, along with everything else that you heard went into it—for this human desire can consume you whole, also dragging down your spouse and your children too.

If you start along that path, your true self will disappear, lost among the cravings, greedy desires, and must-haves that being human casts your way.

So, if you spend your life pursuing only your desires, you will remain forever a dissatisfied, disgruntled beggar.

The day you finally realize this is the day your life changes forever.

On Yom Kippur, we read how G-d sent the prophet Jonah on a mission to speak a message of repentance to the inhabitants of Nineveh. Well, as you know, Jonah didn’t like that idea. So what did he do? He ran away in the opposite direction, to Jaffa and Tarshish.

These places do exist. In Hebrew, however, the literal translations of the names of these cities are “beauty” and “wealth” respectively.

You see, inside each of us is a little Jonah. It is too easy to run away from your mission, your calling, and your true self, in pursuit of the endless desires of beauty and wealth. But be aware: following the same path as Jonah can only lead you into that pitch-dark, bottomless pit. Jonah ended up trapped in the belly of a whale, and his pursuit became a prison. "> 

It was only when Jonah finally went to Nineveh when he pursued his true calling and committed to living his life with a higher purpose, that he saved both Nineveh and himself and was able to find happiness.

Yom Kippur is that magical day when, like Jonah, you can declare the flight from yourself over. This is when you will have found what you were searching for. 

Gmar Chatima Tovah may you and your family be sealed for a sweet and prosperous year and peace in Israel and the world over.

Rabbi Yoseph Geisinsky