No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. However, in a recent linguistic conference held in London, England, and attended by some of the best linguists in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese, was the clear winner. The final question put to him was this: Some say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.
Please explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand. Here was his astute answer: "When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. But, when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!" His answer was received with a standing ovation lasting over 5 minutes plus an invitation to dine with Queen.
It is not unusual for a husband and wife to have an argument. But everyone would agree that for everything, including a dispute, there is a proper place and time. Yet there is one argument in the weekly portion Vayishlach that needs clarity. Jacob and Rachel have been deeply connected to each other.
Rachel was childless for a number of years, and finally she gave birth to a son whom she named Yosef, proclaiming "May Hashem add another son to me".
This wish was granted and she became pregnant, and she was about to give birth. Her husband was there, anticipating to hear, "It's a boy." Suddenly, everything changes.
And it was, as her soul left her, for she died, she called him Ben-Oni, but his father called him Binyamin. Why, when Rachel was in such a condition, did Yaakov argue with her over the name to be given to the newborn child? Was this the right time and place to argue over such a seemingly trivial matter?
But there was perhaps more. The argument about the names represented a final exchange between Jacob and Rachel, not about themselves, but about this newborn child.
Rachel knew that her life was ending, and she worried about what would happen to her child if he grew up without a mother's care, I am very worried about how he may turn out. I pray that when I am gone from this world, his behavior should not cause me pain and grief."
Yaakov, wanting to comfort his dying wife, told her not to worry. He promised her that he would take extra care of him and assured her that he would be a "ben yamin" - "a right son" - one who would conduct himself as is "right" for his family and be a source of nachat to his mother in the world to come.
A story is told of a childless couple that for many years yearned and prayed for a child of their own. After visiting many medical specialists the woman conceived. When she was about to give birth, the doctor informed her husband that only one of the two could be saved, either the mother or the unborn child. The husband favored saving the mother, but when the mother heard of her husband's decision, she was furious. Life, she said, was worthless to her without a child. If the baby would not be saved, she would commit suicide.
So reluctantly and with deep misgivings, the doctor saved the baby and let the mother die. In time the baby grew up to be a strong and fine looking boy, but he was of a coarse and belligerent disposition. When he was of age, his father sent him to an out-of-town college in the hope that new contacts and a different atmosphere would better his character. But the reports that he received were very discouraging, for the young man spent his time in bad company and was wasting his life.
One day his father sent him an email to come home immediately as some urgent matter had arisen. The young man, fearing the worst, took the first plane and returned home. His father met him at the airport, but instead of explaining to him the reason for asking him to return home, he drove to a remote cemetery and stopped at a well-kept grave. There, he told his son for the first time the story of his birth and how his mother had died for his sake. After finishing the story, he said to him, "My son, now that you have heard that your mother died in order to give you life, turn around and face the tombstone of your mother, and tell her whether it was worth it!"
Jacob was assuring Rachel, that their son Binyamin will be able to face his mother and tell her that her sacrifice was worth it. He was not a "ben-oni" – a child whose conduct brought pain and sorrow to her, but “ben yamin" – the child on the right path who became a source of pride and nachat
Jacob teaches us to take all the pain and agony and to remember that we must never become victims; every piece of pain can and must be converted into a new source of strength.
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Yoseph Geisinsky