A man once turned to a couple and said, “You two are very negative.”
They replied, “Yes! But remember, two negatives make a positive.”
We laugh, but there is a deeper truth. Every relationship has its own language. The challenge is not only to love, but also to know how the other person receives love.
A famous marriage counselor, Dr. Gary Chapman, discovered that people express and experience love in five different ways:
Words of affirmation.
Quality time.
Giving gifts.
Acts of service.
Physical touch.
Two people may truly love each other, yet still feel distant because they are speaking different languages.
The fascinating truth is that the Torah revealed this idea thousands of years ago.
The Gemara teaches that a person who brings joy to a bride and groom is connected to the five voices mentioned by the prophet:
“The voice of happiness, the voice of joy, the voice of the groom, the voice of the bride, and the voice of those who thank Hashem.”
And the reward? The Torah itself was given with five voices at Har Sinai.
Why this connection?
Because the greatest relationship in the world is the relationship between the Jewish people and Hashem.
And just like a marriage needs communication, our connection with Hashem requires understanding the language of love.
Words of affirmation
Judaism begins with words.
We thank Hashem every morning with Modeh Ani. We make blessings before we eat, after we eat, when we see something beautiful, and even for the simple gift of waking up.
Hashem created the world through speech. Our words have the power to build or destroy.
A compliment can give someone strength. A harsh word can break someone.
The same is true in our relationship with Hashem — He wants to hear our gratitude.
Quality time
Love is not only what we do. Sometimes love is simply being present.
The Rebbe once explained that Hashem says:
“Give Me only five minutes of your day, but let those five minutes belong only to Me.”
A person can spend hours with someone while distracted, but five focused minutes can create a deep connection.
That is the gift of Shabbat, Torah, and tefillah, time dedicated only to Hashem.
Giving gifts
A gift is not about its price. It is about the message: “I was thinking about you.”
The Torah says about the humble flour offering:
“The soul who brings it.”
Why call it a soul?
Because Hashem does not measure the size of the gift, he values the heart behind it.
Every mitzvah, every act of tzedakah, every effort we make is a gift we give to Hashem.
Acts of service
Love is shown through action.
Cooking a meal, helping someone, doing something difficult for another person — these are acts of love because they require sacrifice.
This is the meaning of avodah, serving Hashem.
Every mitzvah says: “Hashem, You matter enough that I will change my schedule, my habits, and my desires for You.”
Physical connection
Judaism is a religion of action.
We don’t only think about holiness, we touch it.
We put on tefillin. We light Shabbat candles. We shake a lulav. We eat matzah.
Through physical mitzvot, we create a tangible connection with the Divine.
Yesterday was the 32nd Yahrzeit of the Rebbe. In 1991, a man came to the Rebbe with a question.
His elderly father was 88 years old and very sick. He could no longer go to shul, and he felt that his life had lost meaning.
“What can I tell my father?” he asked.
The Rebbe answered:
“Tell him that every mitzvah a Jew does creates pleasure for Hashem Himself. Imagine, a small human being can bring joy to the Creator of the universe.”
The Rebbe taught him that even one mitzvah has infinite value.
That is the message of the five voices.
Hashem is not looking only for grand achievements.
He is looking for a connection.
A kind word.
A moment of prayer.
A mitzvah done with love.
A small act of kindness.
Every one of these is a voice saying:
“Hashem, we are still connected.”
May we merit to strengthen our relationship with Hashem, with our families, and with each other — until the greatest voice of all is heard:
The voice of redemption.
Shabbat Shalom.
Rabbi Yoseph Geisinsky