The Talmud teaches us that Poverty is a mindset. Wealth is not just a material fact; it is not that either you have money, or you don’t. Wealth begins with a state of mind. Do you have the mindset of richness or the mindset of poverty? In the words of the Talmud, “Ordinary riches can be stolen, but real riches cannot.” Wealth is the ability to fully experience life. And that is a mindset.
Let me share an example in education:
You can focus on what your child is lacking, or you can focus on what your child is successful in. When you focus on what is lacking, you reinforce the lack. When you focus on the successes, you inspire your child to more success.
For example, when you get your child’s report card, and see what he lacking in, don’t say, “My dear angel, I see that you need help with this. How can I help you? Why are you failing in this area?” No! Instead, say, “My dear, I see you are excelling in your reading skills, science, and Chumash. I see you got an A+ for organization. It is obvious that when you put your mind to something, you are immensely successful in it.” Children will understand on their own that when they put their minds to something, they will succeed.
If your child is lacking in a certain behavior, point out all the things he does right. “I notice how clean you are when you eat. I noticed how sensitive you were to your baby sister; this shows how much kindness you have in your heart.”
What does this accomplish? It makes your child feel like A SUCCESS STORY. You accentuate what is right, not what is wrong, in a real and genuine way.
Once, Rabbi Schneur Zalman, the first Chabad Rebbe, was raising money to ransom Jewish prisoners. In the first city he arrived in, the community elders graciously received him. But when he announced that he wanted to visit the house of the city miser and wanted two rabbis to accompany him, he was met with resistance. The miser was no giver; anyone who unwittingly ended up on his doorstep was offered a single rusty copper coin that even the most desperate pauper would promptly refuse. The Rebbe was adamant, however, and they finally acquiesced and gave him the escort he requested.
The next afternoon the three of them found themselves meeting the miser in his mansion’s luxurious front room. The Rebbe related the entire sad story about a family in jail. Afterwards, the owner left the room. He then returned from his safe with a small velvet money pouch.
"Yes," said the rich man. "This is a touching story! Widows and orphans in captivity. Ah, the suffering of the Jewish people! When will it end? Here, Rabbi, take my humble donation." He gave the Rebbe the "famous" rusty coin.
To everyone's surprise, the Rebbe seemed pleased by the gift. He smiled warmly at him as he put the coin into his pocket and said, "Thank you Mr. Solomon; may G-d bless and protect you always." The Rebbe then proceeded to write him a receipt which included many blessings.
"Thank you again, my friend," the Rebbe said as he stood and warmly shook the man's hand, looking at him with admiration. He turned to his two companions, saying, "Now we must be on our way. We have a lot of collecting to do.” As the three rabbis walked to the door, the Rebbe turned and bade his host yet another warm farewell.
"You should have thrown it back in his face," hissed one of the rabbis after they heard the door close behind them.
Suddenly they heard the door open behind them and the miser calling: "Rabbis, rabbis, please come back for a minute. I must speak to you… please come back in."
In a few minutes they were again sitting in the warm, plush drawing room, but this time the rich man was pacing back and forth restlessly. He stopped for an instant and turned to the Rebbe. "Exactly how much money do you need to ransom these prisoners?"
"About 5,000 rubles," the Rebbe replied.
"Here–I have decided to give 1,000 rubles," said the miser as he took a stack of bills from his jacket pocket and laid it on the table. The other rabbis were astounded. They stared at the money and were afraid to look up at the miser, lest he change his mind. But the Rebbe again shook Mr. Solomon’s' hand, warmly thanking him, and wrote him a beautiful receipt replete with blessings and praises.
The rabbis left the house and once more began walking toward the gate. Suddenly the door of the house again opened behind them. "Rabbis, please, I have changed my mind. Please come in once more. I want to speak with you," Mr. Solomon called out.
They entered the house for a third time as the miser turned to them and said, "I have decided to give the entire sum needed for the ransom. Here it is, please count it to see that I have not made a mistake."
"What is the meaning of this?" wondered the Rebbe's astonished companions after they had left the rich man's home for the third time that evening. "How did you get that notorious miser to give 5,000 rubles?"
"That man is no miser, No Jewish soul truly is. But how could he desire to give, if he never in his life experienced the joy of giving? Everyone to whom he gave that rusty penny threw it back in his face!"
What did the Rebbe do for this man? He showed him his success; he showed him that he could give and that his giving was meaningful. By doing that, the Rebbe triggered the desire in this person to succeed even more, by giving even more.
When you make people feel like failures by throwing things back in their faces, they will become greater failures. When you show people how they are the embodiment of success stories, they will become greater successes.
Show your child how much there is to fix, and he will tell himself or herself that everything is pointless, because he is a failure. Show your child how successful he truly is in one or more areas, and he will build on that to become even more successful.
In our portion of the week, Tazria, it states that if a rich man is obligated to bring an offering to the Holy Temple, but a poor man committed to bring that offering for him, in his stead, what is the law? Does he have to bring a rich man’s offering or can he bring a poor man’s offering?
Maimonides says that he is obligated to bring a rich man’s offering. The reasoning behind this is that when one takes upon himself to bring a sacrifice for a rich man, even though he is not rich, we don’t say, “Well, you are a poor man, so bring the meager offering.” No! We already see him as a rich man. He is already in the right mindset by bringing a rich man’s offering. That mindset itself will generate the wealth, and he will be able to afford the rich man’s sacrifice on his own!
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Yoseph Geisinsky
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