At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"
The witness stared out the window as though he hadn't heard the question.
"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.
The witness still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."
"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."
This week's portion Kedoshim contains a positive The biblical commandment, which we often do not think about as such:
With Justice, you shall judge your fellow man. The Talmud gives two different interpretations of the verse:
According to one opinion, this verse is giving direction to Judges. When a person comes to a Judgment in a civil case according to Torah law the judge must treat the litigants equally. However, according to a second interpretation in the Talmud, the injunction in this verse is directed at every Jew. Its intent is that we must “judge our fellow with justice,” as the Talmud puts it, “Judge your fellow man to the side of merit.”
A similar expression we find in the Ethics of the Fathers:
You should judge every person to the side of merit.
But what does this mean?
On the most basic level, it cautions us to "Give your friend the benefit of the doubt" is thus an explicit commandment in the Torah! Say to yourself, "His (or her) behavior might appear wrong, but in his own mind and heart he really thinks he is doing the right thing." This approach of condemning the behavior, but not the person is counterintuitive, but it is tremendously beneficial. This means that if you are truly bothered by what this person did, the best way to eliminate such behavior in the future is to judge him favorably. People who judge others negatively make it more difficult to effect a change in their attitude and behavior.
Steven Covey tells the story of him traveling one Sunday morning on a subway in New York.
People were sitting quietly—some reading newspapers, some lost in thought, some resting with their eyes closed. It was a calm, peaceful scene.
Then, suddenly, a man and his children entered the subway car. The children were so loud and rambunctious that instantly the whole climate changed. The man sat down next to me and closed his eyes, apparently oblivious to the situation. The children were yelling back and forth, throwing things, even grabbing people's papers. It was very disturbing. And yet, the man sitting next to me did nothing.
It was difficult not to feel irritated. I could not believe that he could be so insensitive as to let his children run wild like that and do nothing about it, taking no responsibility at all. (It was easy to see that everyone on the subway felt irritated, too.) So, finally, with what I felt was unusual patience and restraint, I turned to him and said, "Sir, your children are really disturbing a lot of people. I wonder if you couldn't control them a little more?"
The man lifted his gaze as if to come to consciousness of the situation for the first time and said softly, "Oh, you're right. I guess I should do something about it. We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago. I don't know what to think, and I guess they don't know how to handle it either…"
“Can you imagine what I felt at that moment?” Covey concludes his story.
This is the truth of life: We know nothing of the trials, sorrows, and temptations of those around us, of pillows wet with sobs, of the life-tragedy that may be hidden behind a smile, of the secret cares, struggles, and worries that shorten life and leave their mark in hair prematurely whitened, and a character changed and almost recreated in a few days. Let us not dare to add to the burden of another the pain of our judgment, the Torah is telling us. Think before you speak. You never know the “whole story” of that other person’s life. Judge everyone favorably. The word every person can also be translated as “the whole person.” Before you judge someone, you first have to know “the whole person”—everything about this person, from their background, to the workings of their inner psyche, to the challenges they are facing today.
The Rebbe explains look not to what he is but to what he can be. Dwell not on the way in which he has negatively expressed his potential, but on what this potential truly consists of.
Your job now is to zoom in on that power etched in them. If there is evil there, must be good there sufficient to combat and eliminate it.
“And what is a weed?” said Ralph Waldo Emerson, “a plant whose virtues have not been discovered.”
So the next time you see a flaw, a challenge, a setback, a behavior problem in your child or another loved one—don’t become obsessed with the problem. Rather zoom in on the power this child must have to vanquish this challenge and live a meaningful and noble life. If you do that, you will help him or her actualize that power and become the person they are capable of becoming.
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Yoseph Geisinsky
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