Ben Cohen had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing. So Ben stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. Ben figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that would sober him up.
Once outside, Ben stood up but fell flat on his face again. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door, Ben stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed Ben tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and fell sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.
He was awakened the next morning to his wife, Yente, standing over him, shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again!"
"What makes you say that?" Ben asked, putting on an innocent look. Yente replied "The pub called -- you left your wheelchair there again."
The opening of this week’s first portion, Matot / Masai, introduces the most comprehensive discussion in the Torah of the laws governing vows. What is a vow? It is a means by which a person creates a personal obligation or restriction. A person might make a vow to donate a certain sum to charity.
A vow can also take the form of a restriction
The Torah requires strict adherence to vows. One may not violate a vow. Therefore, the Sages discouraged making frivolous vows, because a person may violate a vow.
But our portion focuses primarily on one specific aspect of the laws governing vows.
The Torah explains that a father can reverse his young daughter’s vow, till she reaches the age of twelve and a half.
Similarly the Torah says, a husband can cancel certain vows of his wife, if it is for her benefit and for the benefit of the marriage.
Of course, the young girl or the wife can continue to practice their vows, but they are not bound by them legally.
How does this sum up the nature of the relationship?
To understand this we must introduce another question, raised by the Alter Rebbe.
It is considered the holiest prayer of the year. There are Jews who would not step foot into synagogue all year around; but they will not miss Kol Nidrei night. It is the opening prayer of the entire Yom Kippur, the “start off” for the holiest day of the Jewish year.
We would naturally expect that the content of the prayer would match its intense incantation.
Yet when you actually read the Kol Nidrei text you are astounded to observe it is not a prayer at all. It is a declaration that all the vows that we might make from this Yom Kippur till next should be annulled and deemed invalid, so that we will never violate any now, because we have already nullified them before we even made them.
Granted. We are nullifying simple promises we might make for the upcoming year: So with Kol Nidrei you come clean even if you make a vow and break it throughout the year, for you already declared on Yon Kippur that the vows are annulled.
Is this the only thing we can think about when we begin Yom Kippur? Is this really the holiest manifesto of Judaism? Do these words deserve such a powerful heart-stirring tune? Should all Jews run to the Synagogue to hear this?
The Alter Rebbe offered an incredible insight into this.
Europe used to host flea circuses. How do you train an elephant? They may appear docile as animals in a circus, but in the wild they are ferocious beasts weighing many tons and are definitely not docile. They are territorial, very protective and can do tremendous damage. How does the circus train them to walk around in a circle, do stunts and obey the trainer’s every command? Obviously, part of it is for rewards or treats for tricks repeated over and over. But elephants are much too strong and powerful for that to work unless they have been conditioned.
This is a true story now. They get the elephants when they are first born and little. They tie a rope around its foot and drive a stake in the ground to which the other end of the tope is tied. The baby elephant tries to walk away, but stops when the rope pulls taut. So it walks around in a circle the length of the rope, which is the radius of the circus ring. Within that routine they are conditioned to know that they will be fed, bathed and given plenty of water to drink.
The baby elephant grows to be a huge beast of several tons. It can easily pull the steak out, but doesn’t know it because it is conditioned that it can’t.
One time, a fire rampaged through the Bailey circus. The huge elephants were in panic and instinct took over. They reared up and bellowed in fear and pain. Yet they couldn’t get away or pull the steak out to freedom to save their own lives from the fire.
Inner Vows
This is the deeper meaning of a “vow.” We are not only addressing promises or pledges we make; we are also addressing the inner vows, pledges and promises we make to ourselves about ourselves and others. Our inner vows are the voices inside of you which may hold you down and keep you captive, denying you the opportunity to actualize your full calling and potential.
They tell the story of the bird who was unaware of the fact that it had wings. Animals were constantly coming to devour her. And the poor little bird was using her tiny legs to run…
She comes to G-d, and cries: it’s not fair. At least if you would have given me the legs of a gazelle?
And G-d says: My dear bird. I have given you an even greater gift: wings. All you need to do when you see those prying animals approaching you – is to fly away!
We are those birds. We were given a soul, a piece of G-d, a fragment of infinity.
But the soul is eclipsed in a superficial world which does not allow us to see who we are, our true power. So we need help “annulling our vows,” liberating ourselves from our inner anxiety and duress.
So let’s say I have a daughter who makes these types of “vows” for herself. She is in a psychological prison.
How do I help her?
When a child is traumatized, she is often in the state of a “vow,” she feels tied down by chains, and becomes emotionally sick. Asking them to “change” is like asking a child with broken legs to run the marathon.
What Is a Father? So what do we do?
The Alter Rebbe teaches, when your daughter makes a vow,
representing that she feels trapped, there is one remedy. The Torah tells us that her father can annul her vow.
What does this mean? The Torah is teaching that there is one way to release her from these psychological vows: a father’s love.
When I love you, when I show you that I believe in you, that I want you, I want to connect to you, I want to be with you, I cherish you, it shows my daughter that her worth is infinite; that her value is unwavering and absolute. Then she has the energy to discover that her dignity is more powerful than her trauma, her soul is deeper than her pain, and her life is larger than her trauma.
And this is, of course, true not only when it comes to serious debilitating trauma, but also to all “vows” we and our loved ones make in our lives; all the limitations that hold us down, and keep us confined to anger, frustration, envy, lack of control, and anxiety. We need a “father” to love us in the deepest and most powerful way. It is that type of love and trust that empowers us to muster the courage and embark on the journey toward wholesomeness.
That is why the first thing we do on Yom Kippur is we say Kol Nidrei. On Yom Kippur, says the Alter Rebbe, every Jewish soul can feel the infinite love that G-d has to it. When I feel that love of my father in heaven, then I can obliterate all my vows. All my promises -- fears, addictions, habits, inclinations, confinements, limitations, constrictions, which have tied me town and will tie me down in the future year – are null, void, absolved, non-existent.
I know that after Yom Kippur I may return to the daily grind and I may forget my soul, my inner music, my freedom, my divine core, my spiritual essence and its ability to truly live a meaningful and free life. So therefore right now on Yom Kippur I am declaring that all of the vows which I will tie myself down by during the next year – are naught. I am free. I am G-dly.
This is the essence of Yom Kippur and one of the most essential ideas of Judaism: Every individual was created in the Divine Image, each with a pure soul, and no matter what happens in one’s lifetime, the sacred innocence remains intact.
For this, children need a father to believe in them. Wives needs husbands to give them this support. And all of us need to know that we have a “father,” who loves us more than we will ever imagine.
I will share with you the last words I heard from the Rebbe, just a few hours before his stroke.
It was Sunday, Feb. 1, 1992, 26 Adar 1, 5752.
The Rebbe, stood for approximately eight hours at his center in 770, in Brooklyn, N.Y., distributing dollars, counsel and blessings to thousands of men, women and children who flocked from near and far to visit the Rebber. I was one of many who went to receive a dollar from the Rebbe that Sunday, the last time he would distribute dollars.
It was approx. 6:45 p.m. The line of people was finally reaching its end. Right in front of me stood a 6-year-old girl, seemingly from a secular Jewish family. As the Rebbe gave her a dollar to give to charity and a blessing, she looked him in the eyes and said, "I love you."
The Rebbe's secretaries standing nearby were taken aback, but the Rebbe's face lit up, and his radiant smile filled the entire room with grace. I will never forget the moment: The Rebbe, 89 years old, exhausted from standing, listening and speaking for so many hours, was glowing.
The little girl moved on, but the Rebbe called her back. He gave her a second dollar and said, "This is for the love."
Twenty-four hours later, on Monday, March 2 (the 27th of Adar 1), while standing in prayer at the resting place of his father-in-law, the Rebbe suffered a stroke, which left him partially paralyzed and unable to speak. In my mind and heart I can still hear the Rebbe's words, "This is for the love."
It remains one of the most vital messages of the Rebbe: Give every Jewish child, and every child, infinite love.
This is the love that can help each of us “annul” all vows, actualizing our full potential, to live a life filled with meaning, structure, justice and happiness.
Chodesh Tov and Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Yoseph Geisinsky
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