A young couple was called to heaven before they could be married. The disappointed groom asked G-d if it would still be possible for them to get married.
"I'm afraid you'll have to wait," G-d replied. If you still want to get married, we will talk about it."
Five years passed and the couple came back. They asked to be married again. G-d said, "Sorry, you'll have to wait five more years."
They waited another five years and G-d finally said they could be married. The wedding was beautiful and at first, the couple was happy, but then the problems began. They realized they made a mistake. They now asked G-d if they could get a divorce.
"What?" G-d asked. "It took us 10 years to find a Rabbi in heaven, and now you want Me to find a lawyer in heaven?"
Says the Mishnah: “There were no greater festivals for Israel than the 15th of Av and Yom Kippur. On these days the daughters of Jerusalem would go out and dance in the vineyards. And what would they say? ‘Young man, raise your eyes and see whom you select for yourself.’ The uniqueness of Yom Kippur is well known. It is the day G-d completely forgave the Jewish people for their betrayal in building the Golden Calf. On that day, G-d gave Moses the second set of Tablets and established it as a day of forgiveness and rebirth. On Yom Kippur, the Jews and G-d renewed their marriage, as it were.
But how about the second date? What happened on the 15th of Av to designate it as the greatest Jewish holiday of the year during Temple times, akin only to Yom Kippur? The Rebbe explained:
What was the first Divine communication to the first Jew, Abraham?
"G-d said to Abraham, 'Go forth, away from your land, from your birthplace, and from your father's house to the land that I will show you.” Why is this the first commandment to the first Jew? And why does G-d not tell Abraham right away where his destination is—the land of Canaan? Why does G-d say, “Go… to the land that I will show you,” and keep him in suspense?
Because it was with this commandment that G-d was conveying to the first Jew the essence and core of Judaism. Your destination is important, but more important is your power for departure.
Because you don’t always know where to go, nor do you always profess the power to go where you need to go. But you can always, under all circumstances, depart from where you need to depart.
You are struggling with deep, negative emotions—toward your spouse, your relatives, your partners. Your marriage is stressful and agonizing; At this moment, you do not know where exactly to go and how to get there; but you do know what you do not want in your life—and, in some measure, you take the first steps to run from it. G-d was telling Abraham, this is the genesis and foundation all spiritual growth. What matters most is that you have the courage to fulfill the go forth! Get out of where you are; move away, in some form, from your present space.
Albert Einstein is widely credited with saying, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.” I am not sure it is the definition of insanity. But it sure is the definition of the path of many a life. We are stuck—in a way of thinking, a way of reacting, a way of behaving. And when I have the courage to declare, “I am leaving,” in that ninth hour, it is this moment that becomes the greatest holiday in Jewish life
This was the profound symbolism in the celebration around the conclusion of cutting the firewood for the altar, that ceased on the 15th of Av. The tress that was chopped down, were not fruit trees. “Man is a tree of the field,” the Torah states. And with every offering brought to the Temple, a person needed to imagine a similar experience internally, within himself. Cutting the wood to be used for the altar was also an internal, psychological process.
If I leave my tree intact a bit longer, it might become infected with creepy insects and warms. So in the final hour, I cut it down. On the 15th of Av, hours before the warms will take over. The wood is not yet holy; it has not yet found its destination in the Holy Temple; It is still in the forest, in the wilderness, far from the environment of the Holy Altar. For now, it is just a cut branch.
But the cut has been made! Lech Lecha has begun! The tree, representing the person, has moved away. I severed my connection with roots that hold me captive. I cut myself off from a past life of aimless addiction and suppressed the trauma.
In the 1960s, a group of secular college students came to visit the Rebbe. Amongst many questions on faith, science, and Judaism, one student posed the following question:
“We are not religious Jews. We don’t keep the Sabbath or follow the Kosher dietary laws. We are secular Jews. Tell me, Rabbi, are we good Jews?"
The Rebbe responded with the famous story of Jacob’s dream. He saw a ladder; there were angels descending, and there were angels ascending. Some are at the top of the ladder, while others are at the bottom. There are 613 rungs on the ladder. Each rung of the ladder represents a mitzvah. One person may be on the 612th rung while the other may be on the second rung. Who is higher? Obviously, the one on the 612th rung.
But think again. What if I tell you that the one on the 612th rung is going downward, and the one on the second rung is going upward, what would you say? Who is really higher?
“So you tell me,” the Rebbe concluded, “Who is a better Jew? One who started ‘at the top,’ yet has taken a step down, or one who began ‘at the bottom,’ but is slowly but steadily ascending the ladder of life and Judaism?
“What matters are to view not only where you are, but where you came from!”
In a relationship, I can’t always feel the love, affection, and bond. Sometimes we have issues deep ingrained in us which deprive us of feeling closeness; As a result, we can be at any moment feeling anger, frustration, resentment, and pain.
But what we can achieve at every single moment of marriage, in great days and in lousy days, is the: Go Forth! I can choose to step away from my addictive patterns of thoughts; I can say to myself, I do not want to remain rooted in the same old patterns. When a couple can always follow this, the repair is always possible and a marriage blossom.
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Yoseph Geisinsky
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